on retaining that spark

A day to day issue of mine arises as I often (admittedly mindlessly) scroll through tumblr. Do I commit to keepin' up dat' on point aesthetic by solely reblogging art pieces and muffled photography, or can I succumb to being a fangirl and reblog Twin Peaks graphics and gut-busting vines?
This originates from a very specific space within me. I grew up being that kid immersed in books and subsequently their fantasy world. I went through a phase where I passionately believed dragons were real and searched for them in my wee sea side town. I think mostly that came from not fitting in at all and needing, as books are wont to provide, an escape.
But I won't lie, and more specifically don't want to lie a small part of me is still that little girl who saved up to buy a fur trimmed cape; I want dragons to be real. 
Part of me is still retaining that hope that one day I'm going to wake up to the news and there's going be some kick-ass discovery and it will blow me out of the water. I will be that fantasy-obsessed dork forever.

Reflecting again on my younger self, I was so passionately into anything and everything that really spoke to me. But I also recall teasing, some of it intended in a kind way but I still remember being embarrassed. I feel that now at 20 that a lot of my peers would rather give off this aloof, distanced self and I feel like we don't allow ourselves to be as enthusiastic about the things that spin our cogs like we did when we were children. And that we're restricted to things that are "cultured". This may be a one-sided observation on my part as I'll admit I haven't met the whole of my student body/peer group but I just general feel the divide myself. I guess that's what I mean by that 'spark'. There's this distinct pigeon-holing I feel, especially at university, that I can't both engage in something 'sophisticated' like feminist discourse and then go home and lose my shit over the new Hannibal teaser trailers or re-listen to Hilary Duff and unashamedly sing along to Come Clean because, hey, that was my mid-2000's anthem, dammit.  That I can't both cultivate my mind with more complex books and art, and become more socially aware but also watch dumb vines at 1:00 in the morning and cry laughing, heaving silently.  
I want to resist this because I feel it contributes to that type of person who will sneer at parties or in general conversation when you show a shade of zeal for things that aren't that trendy, young-adult shit. Oh gee, let me just rush to join that "I think I'm too good for pop culture" band wagon. I'm going to ride my cart down the grocery aisle when no one's looking. I'm also occasionally going to re-read the books that kept me going at 12 and relish in the characters and their ability to enter realms and fight beasties. I'll happily have the occasional one-person dance party to One Direction.

I don't want this to come across as self-congratulatory or even that I'm a ~special snowflake~ for observing this fact but I wanted to reflect on this aspect of myself since I'd never really archived these particular thoughts anywhere before.  My only hope is that I just want to make sure I never get to a point where I think that I'm too good for the things once inspired me or that I ever sneer or belittle the interests of others, so long as they're not problematic (bronies anyone?)

  xx.
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