On Breaking Up

not mine; credit to artist

After a year and eight months together, my boyfriend and I mutually decided that we were no longer heading in the same direction and connecting in the same way and then, I was single. Simple and yet wholly complicated all in the one go.  
I am in the process of trying to be kind to myself and healing. 

I wanted to use this space to kind of reflect and share what I've been using in this process to see it as growth and a new beginning. All endings and all goodbyes are difficult no matter what way you try to package it.

i. allow yourself to mourn - I assume that no matter how short or long your relationship was, there was an initial reason you were in it and a bunch of good memories that you still have. Allow yourself to recognize that this is the best decision for your long term self but that your present mind and heart should be allowed to be upset and cry and be angry or deal with this transition in whatever way. 

ii. don't lose yourself to grief - While in the process of grieving do not lose sight of the long term; I suggest giving yourself a deadline. Comfort food and living in your pajamas or succumbing to whatever vices it is that one has only feels good for a short period of time. Don't let that drag out. 

iii. keep the chattiness to a minimum - Use your support systems by all means, but airing your dirty laundry to any joe who will listen is not only disrespectful to the relationship you had but it could come back to bite you in the ass. It's a natural response to want to find life boats in hard times but pick and chose who knows the details.

iv. pick up yoga - This is a specific suggestion from yours truly. I finished my practice this morning with the intention of self love and felt very restored and peaceful at the end of it. This might not be your cup of tea, but I suggest trying it. Just physically being in touch with your body and inner self and acknowledging your feelings is healthy.

Not mine; credit to artist

v. write - for some it'll be a big temptation to keep stringing out contact with your ex but unless you absolutely have to, don't. Give at minimum 60 days. In the mean time, start journaling. Vent those feelings, write impassioned and angry letters to your former partner. Not all these thoughts need to actually be voiced to anyone but again, acknowledge them. 

vi. make new goals - Whenever one comes to you writer it down. I don't care if it's some small habit you've been meaning to instill in your daily life or jet setting off  to Amsterdam, writer them down. Focus on yourself and the person you were and are before you were part of a unit. You're still that person and try to see this as a time of nurturing and tending to your goals and interest. 

vii.  find new things to focus on - It's a weird feeling to realize that a lot of your music and shows and foods were shared and associated with your partner, so that you try to sit down and watch Better Call Saul and are only plagued with memories. Compile a list of new shows to watch, and better books to read and new routines to form. I'm not trying to beat a dead horse but remember you were single at other points in your life and still enjoyed all sorts of things all on your own. Come back to these shows and songs when you're ready.

vii. don't rebound - I honestly don't care how attractive your new...attraction is: it's not worth it. Even if you don't think your breakup was particularly messy it's probably not a good idea to inflict/invest yourself in another person just yet. I know that it's tempting to find another source of affection but really, take this time to focus on loving yourself and being comfortable alone first.

other ideas: ¨ buy new underwear ¨ on that note, maybe buy new sheets ¨ rearrange your room and change its decor ¨ pet an animal ¨ prioritize your physical health ¨ if you're feeling blue a little too frequently, start having kick-ass one person dance parties ¨ get in touch with nature and take a long walk, swim or hike ¨ buy a little trinket and 'marry' yourself, with some self-love vows ¨ invest in a new perfume/signature scent ¨ create a new project to invest your time in ¨ look into EFT tapping ¨ for the love of god, avoid stalking them on social media ¨ don't seek revenge-sex with their friends, just don't (buy a sex toy instead) ¨ allow yourself to cry and/or scream when you need to

That's all for now babes, hopefully you're all doing wonderful and that you'll see more of me here now that uni is out for summer break - lots of light and love.

r.

Self Care & Why It Needs to be Prioritized

not mine; credit to whomever owns it

              I'm not sure where I first heard about the idea of self-care but the more I've delved into it and come understand what it means it surprises me that it's not a more popular concept.
Then again, perhaps it shouldn't; our society still has plenty of stigma around discussing a lot of aspects of mental health.

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                I'm sure a lot of people in fact don't know what it is, and thankfully the internet provided a handy summation of it for me: "any intentional acts by an individual to take care of their physical, mental and emotional selves."
This obviously can mean different things for different people but as a student, in particular, the fact that more emphasis is not placed on discussing taking care of your mental self is disappointing.  It's a perfectly reasonable, or at least normalized,thing to hear about drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, making time for exercising and eating well but when it comes to doing the same for our emotional well being, it just isn't talked about on the broad scale it should be. I do realize that physicality is a part of self-care, I mentioned it earlier, however, that alone is does not embody self-care as a whole. Because I totally agree with that; I feel more centered mentally when I do stay hydrated and eat foods that nourish my body and soul (lean protein for dem' lifting gainz and pizza for my soul), and get adequate sleep. However, that's the easy bit. Or easier bit, I should say.

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               A lot of people I know, myself included tend to not really analyze what it means to take the necessary steps for mental well being.  After taking some time to self-reflect and review some of the self-care notes I was given when I did my volunteer orientation (which is with a Women's Resource center) I think I've summarized the essentials fairly well in the following. These are just some general ideas for prioritizing self care in your life!




 Physical self care:

• Eat regularly! I know that with busy schedules (especially as a student) or when you're having a particularly off day it isn't appealing/easy but it's part of what your body needs to function. This also means try to eat things that are good for both your body and soul. Fruit and veg helps keep your body happy but pizza is good for the soul.
• Take care of whatever medical care/prescriptions you need on the regular. 
• Wear your favorite outfits that make you feel beautiful/empowered/happy.
• Take time when you need it - this means saying NO when you need to; don't feel you have to sacrifice time you need for you to appease other people.
• Get enough sleep; maybe think about creating a soothing evening routine to stick to each night to wind down.
• Stay hydrated! I recommend the Water Your Body app to help remind you; it keeps you more alert, prevents headaches, and is excellent for your skin.

Psychological/Emotional self care:

• Make time for self reflection! Maybe keep a private journal to release at the end of each day 
• Try to stay organized/ahead of your schedule - decreasing your overall stress takes a load of your mind and body. 
• Give yourself affirmations and praise yourself!
• Re-read/re-watch your favourite books or movies.
• On that note, figure out what activities in your life are comforting and seek them out!
• Allow yourself emotional release; this could mean crying when you need to or taking out some anger on a punching bag in the gym.
• Take steps to love and appreciate the body you have - it's a hard road but learning to love your vessel and be happy and comfortable in it does a lot for your mental health.
• Engage your intelligence by trying something new; maybe visit an art gallery or another exhibit of your interest, an up coming performance or concert! 
• Appreciate the non material aspects of your life.
• Accept that you don't have the answers to everything all the time; focus on your present self.
• Consider making time to meditate or pray as private time for peace and self-reflections and self-appreciation. 
• Contribute to causes you feel strongly about!

  

  not mine; credits to whomever 

Personal Recommendations:

• Grow something; I find keeping a few plants in my room to take care of soothing in some way - the greenery perhaps?
• Find some incense or candles that you adore; a nice smelling room does a lot to make your room/space feel like a welcoming, comfortable area for you.
• Keep a gratitude jar - at the end of each day I take a small piece of paper and write at least four things I was grateful for, found inspiring/beautiful/intriguing. 
• Treat yourself to little presents here and there when you can afford it; I find buying a new lotion or nail polish or book makes me feel special and like I'm dating myself!
• Track your finances; I find that staying on top of my finances and budgeting my life means I don't have to stress about spending in the future. 
• Yoga! I find my practice (when I'm not terrible at prioritizing it myself) really centers me and quiets my mind as well as gives me a new appreciation of what my body is capable of. (This goes for any physical action/exercise that makes you feel lovely)
• Focus on having good posture throughout the day.
• Take long evenings to pamper yourself. 
• Learn to cook; not only is the process of prepping a meal pretty tranquil, you get a yummy dish at the end of it to enjoy. 
• Moisturizeeeeeee; especially in the winter when your skin needs it. 

That's all for now! Hopefully this may have inspired you or given you new ideas to take care of your wonderful selves - have a wonderful day!

r.